Showing posts with label Lessons To Learn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lessons To Learn. Show all posts

$16.50

So, recently I sat down and perused the internet with one price-point in mind...$16.50. What could I (or any of YOU) purchase? Let's see....


I could purchase 2 reserved tickets @ $8.00 a piece to see the Northwest Arkansas Naturals....I know it's 50 cents off, but let's count tax.


How about 2 movie tickets to see...a chick flick? $9.00 a piece, so yah, I little over $16.50.

Ok, here's where it's at!! Lunch at Olive Garden! (Soup, Salad, & Breadsticks....yum) $6.95 x 2 because you can't eat Olive Garden alone. That's about $16.50 with tax and tip!

But let's get REAL accurate.....

A boy's Gap polo, $16.50.


Because EVERYONE needs a $16.50 Toy Story Alien plush toy.

Breadstick again...yah. Little Ceasar's special.

Let's not forget the car...$16.50 will get me the basic oil change service at Sears.

Now, some of these were clearly a joke! Some of them we purchase every weekend or more! (Gotta love the plush toy.)

What if you could take $16.50 and change a LIFE? That's the cost for ONE student to get Reality Check Inc. programming. THAT'S ALL!!

"That I am important! That made me feel committed to me. This class told me things I need to know before I give away my sex. Told me the consequences I might have." - Middle School Students

"It completely changed my mind about everything. I was confused before, but now its all clear to me. I know where Im going and I know what my boundaries are going to be. Reality Check really did a lot for me." - Middle School Student

"I'm glad I got the chance to take this class. Taking this class made me want to talk to my mom about everything, so I did! We are a lot closer now because of this class :). Thanks." - Middle School Student

Check out the student comment cards from EVERY year and EVERY school Reality Check Inc. has had the pleasure of serving in.

$16.50...hmm...




She's Pushing Me, Aunt Kiki!


Isn't perception a funny thing...

Recently, my daughter (17-months old, "L") and my niece (3 yrs old)
were playing together at a baby shower I was attending. Everything seemed to be going okay between the two of them, until my niece came out of the room and told me that "L" was pushing her. Of course I felt awful and told my niece I was sorry that she had pushed her.

We brought the girls back out into the front room so my sister and I could keep an eye on them. Shortly afterward, the girls were standing by the food table and suddenly my niece looks at me and says "She's pushing me!"

As I saw what was happening, I started to chuckle and bent down to explain to my niece what was happening. "L" loves to gives her Daddy and I "massages". If our backs are within reach, she will pat our backs and we usually say "Ah, thanks for the massage!" She LOVES to do it to people she's close too (i.e. her Daddy, me, her Nana, her Poppi). Apparently, she thought that my niece was needing a good back massage! She was all grins as she was giving her cousin pats on the back.

After I explained to my niece what a massage was and that "L" wasn't trying to push her, I asked if she minded if "L" gave her a massage. My niece looked up at me, with "L" patting her back, and said "Of course not! It actually feels really good."
(really old pic)

Again, isn't perception funny?! Once my niece realized what was going on, it wasn't so bad after all.

Makes me think, "What's in my life that I have a wrong perception about?" What about you? Is it the image or reputation that your student is trying to give off? Is it in the comparison you draw between yourself and someone else? Strip away the perceptions and get to the root. Seek the truth!! Don't just settle for your perception of the situation.

What are some perceptions you have?

TRUTH: Do They Want It?

What a great day. Yesterday I had the honor to share important life information with some young women. I wasn’t really sure how they took the information when we finished. It was hard to judge where they were at emotionally and mentally.

Intimacy is a sensitive topic to discuss and when you are sharing STD information as well it can be a heavy topic. I was going to say a “heavy conversation” or “heavy discussion” instead of topic but there really wasn’t any discussion or conversation yesterday. There was silence and wide eyed looks. So it was really more of a monologue.
I was headed to meet with them again this morning with a little bit of nervousness. Were they hearing, did they feel this was helpful information, do they really care, or do they just wish we would go away and allow them to do something else with their time? How many times have I heard that teens don’t care, they’re going to have sex anyway, don’t waste your time, just teach them how to use a condom? So, needless to say I had almost psyched myself out before I got out of the car.

When I walked in and saw those amazing girls, I thought how can we not share this powerful, life changing information with them. They deserve to have the complete, liberating truth so they can reach their dreams, understand their value, their potential, and have a successful future.

Amazingly enough, and I don’t know why I am surprised, but the girls greeted all of us with a totally different attitude than in previous days. The attitude of defensiveness and suspicion were gone and replaced by an attitude of grateful friendship, respect and trust. They were amazing in their recall of all they learned yesterday and a true discussion or conversation began to take place.

We see this time and time again, I don’t know why I let the “mantra” of a liberal bias place doubt on what the power of truth does to the human heart and soul. I saw young women walk out of class today more confident, powerful, thoughtful, and prepared to set strong boundaries to achieve their dreams.
I will never forget the feeling and emotions of one young lady’s hug and whispered, “Thank you so much for telling us the truth. You don’t know how much the information you’ve shared has helped me.” Truth! Amazing, Uniting, Liberating, Truth! Got to love it!

- Guest Writer/Reality Check Inc. Instructor

Debunking HPV Myths

Summer time is nice because I actually get to have time to watch things that people email to me. I recently got an email regarding a June 16, 2010 CBS Morning News segment called “Debunking HPV Myths.” It was Dr. Jennifer Ashton visiting with four young women about HPV myths. She made the statement that HPV (Human Papillomavirus) is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections but is also the least understood.


Finally, I thought, maybe she will share some medical information regarding this misunderstood STD or STI (whichever term may apply to the situation.) I was encouraged when one of the young women featured said she thought it was important to start talking about it (HPV) and start being honest. Another young lady chimed in, “This is something we need to know because,
in the end, 80% of us are going to get it.” I was ready for the doctor to provide truth, debunk that myth, wait for it…wait for it…

That’s when the disappointment set in, once again, political correctness takes over. Why didn't the Dr. let her know that those percentages are projections? She and for that matter, anyone else, doesn’t have to be part of that statistic. HPV is a Sexually Transmitted Disease or Infection. If you don’t engage in sexual activity (or any skin to skin genital contact) with an infected person, you won’t get it.

How do you know if someone is infected? Look at their sexual history. According to Dr. Meg Meeker, author of Epidemic, "if a person has had sexual activity with someone who has had more than two previous sexual partners, it is almost certain that person has HPV."


When teens and young adults are given the truth, when they have people they respect setting sexual health standards high, based on that truth, they rise to that standard and make wise choices. We see it year round as we work with teens and young adults.

The opposite is also true. When they have role models in their lives that have bought into the politically correct mantra that “all teens and young adults are going to have sex anyway, just tell
them that “sex + condom = little to no consequences”, we will continue to see the negative health and emotional consequences that we complain about and say we want to fix. We, as a society, continue to set the standard low, and then act shocked, or say, I told you so, when our youth trip over it.

The Dr. then went on to ask pertinent medical questions such as, “Does it make you feel better now knowing that HPV is so common?” and “Do you think it lessens the social stigma.” To which a female responded “I think it does because it made me feel less embarrassed?”

What?! Are you serious? This is the important truth we need to hear about this disease that one out of every two females gets the first time they engage in sexual activity with an infected person? Since when is how you feel about a disease more important than real prevention information?

(If you are reaching this through our newsletter, this is where we left off… Don’t want you to think I am repeating myself although some of this information bears repeating…)

The Dr. asked one female who had HPV pre cancerous cells in her cervix, “How did you feel emotionally?” This would have been a very relevant question if she had talked about the effects of premarital sexual activity, std’s and depression. Sexually active young women are four times more likely to have symptoms of depression than young ladies who choose to save their sex for a faithful marriage relationship. The fear, questioning, uncertainty, etc. that this young lady experienced upon hearing from her physician that she had precancerous cells in her cervix, may very well speak to why we see those different rates.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, and having done interviews myself, there may have been relevant content that was left out of the final cut for this news segment.

The young females did gain information that 90% of females will clear the HPV on their own (according to the strength of their immune system) but it might take up to three years. They were not cautioned however that during the time the body is trying to clear this virus, they are contagious to anyone they engage in sexual activity with. They could also be contagious to their
child should they become pregnant during that time. The emotional and physical impact that both a mother and baby experience when this virus, especially the genital wart type, is transmitted, is devastating.

I have personally met multiple youth, infected at birth, who’s throats and larynxs have been damaged by genital warts that grow there and threaten to close their airway at any point. While some medical studies show this to be rare (10%), (other studies show it to be quite common, 40%-80%) when it is your baby, rare is not a comfort word.

There were also questions regarding HPV’s impact on fertility. A small discussion took place that touched on the impact to fertility “in extreme cases”, if you got cervical cancer. Again, making it seem like a small risk. She went on to say there were not really any “known” impact on fertility
down the road. I think the word “known” is the issue, as we have seen so many changes in what is “known” and “unknown.”

Isn’t it amazing how we will take such precautions with things that don’t really matter because of
a “possibility” that something might happen, but when it comes to STD’s or sexual choices, the politically correct thing to do is either wring our hands, stick our head in the sand, or shoot the messenger?

I have had a young girl (13) sobbing her heart out on my shoulder because she was afraid that
her baby had HPV. She had gone to the Dr. for her first month post delivery visit and had precancerous cells in her cervix. She had had her cervix scraped multiple times and her baby was only six months old. Talk to her about HPV and fertility.

A friend of our staff shared that her friend is having to come to grips with the fact that she may not experience the joy of being a grandmother because her daughter’s fertility has been destroyed by HPV.

The young woman in the news segment who was told that she had HPV and needed to wait for three years to see if it had cleared asked the question, “But what if it’s been three years and it comes back?” The response was “When you are talking about something microscopic, that can
have no symptoms-that is so common, then you see how easy people get it.”

Did I miss the answer to her question in that response? Maybe it was an editing issue?

Hopefully, if it were an editing issue, the Dr. explained to them that if they find out they have it, and they decide to protect their reproductive system in the future, they should choose to be abstinent and not expose themselves to future infection from HPV or other STD’s that compromise the strength of their immune system. Then, when their body clears the HPV, they might not have to worry about it coming back. Some physicians and studies say, the majority of the time, the body fights it off, however, other physicians and studies say the virus can stay latent or dormant in the body to reactivate later in life. This is again one of those “unknown” items. Is it a reactivation, or the product of a re-infection, because risk behavior didn’t change?

The Dr. made the statement that gynecologists don’t test women in their 20’s because it is “assumed or presumed” that they will have HPV. Again, there is that PC theory that all young people will have sex with multiple partners. This is totally insulting to a generation who can and do make wise decisions when they are told the complete truth.

The news clip returns to studio where the anchor and the Dr. discuss the visit with the four females. The anchor asks if HPV can be prevented. The Dr. says this is the Million Dollar Question. She is shooting a little low, as prevention is more like a $16 Billion annual health care cost savings. She does says to prevent HPV you should choose complete abstinence, delaying sexual activity until older, minimizing number of sexual partners, using condoms is important, and getting the vaccine.

She did an excellent job describing complete abstinence as no sexual contact with an infected
person. She could have added to prevention, to be in a monogamous faithful relationship with an uninfected person. The rest of the list however is only lessening of risk and certainly not Prevention. A condom only provides limited (less than 50%) protection and only if the infection is located exactly where a condom covers … outside that area, no protection. She also didn’t
share that the vaccine only protects against 4 of the 40 types of HPV that affect the genital area.
Dr. Ashton did a good job in talking about treatment for HPV and listing treatment and need for gynecology visits, etc.

Then the anchor wanted to branch out so she said, “Obviously, men get it too, because aren’t they the one’s spreading it?” As a mom of a son and Nana to five, possibly six (one on the way) grandsons, I find this very offensive. Why do we make the males the villains? The man that is a carrier got it from an infected female. It is kind of like the, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” question. And to be blunt, a female can get it from an infected female as well. To the anchor’s question/statement of gender bias, the Dr. includes in her answer that “men are the vectors.” Come on, really. I thought we were going to deal with Myths regarding HPV.

Truth is, if you are sexually active with multiple people or with an infected person you are at risk, female or male. That is exactly why our young men need to be encouraged to not only protect their reproductive system but also their reputation.

The Dr. then went on to briefly mention the different cancers that HPV has been linked to, such as, throat, lung, penile, anal, and other cancers of the reproductive system. She summed up by talking about the vaccine now being approved for boys. You might want to do some research yourself regarding this. You may be surprised by the lack of real research on this, but then again maybe not.

The last statement was “It’s a real significant Health Issue.” Finally the whole truth. It is a real and significant health issue not to mention an expensive issue. America, it is up to us to get educated, do the study, talk to others about this. Mom’s, Nana’s, talk to not only your daughters
and granddaughters, talk to your sons and grandsons as well. Dads, get in on the conversation too. If you know someone who needs more information or if you want more information, you can contact us through www.realitycheckinc.org. You can also get information from the website.

Send this blog to others you know that need real and direct truth about making wise and healthy sexual choices or anyone who is just had a belly full of politically correct Pregnancy/STI prevention propaganda.

Take Your Laundry Basket Mistakes & Make Them Beautiful

When I was younger than 3 years old, I decided to try to fly. Yes, I was that type of child. Standing on the piano bench, I "flew" off into the laundry basket with clothes in it. Sounds like a good idea, but it wasn't. The laundry basket was like most of my baskets now, cracked, or at least a little broken on one side.

As you can expect, once I made my landing, my lips came in contact with the broken side of the basket. OUCH. I split my top and bottom lip open enough for stitches. To this day, I still have a scar on both of my lips.

Now, here's my question...want if my little girl wanted to jump off our piano bench into a broken laundry basket? I would stop her! I know what might happen and it's painful. She might cut her lip open and have a scar for the rest of her life. Plus, if I can avoid an emergency room bill, I will!

Why then do we have a problem teaching our kids about healthy sexual discipline when maybe we didn't practice it ourselves? This is like saying, I busted my lip so I can't tell her not to jump off the piano bench and bust her lip either.

You have a past, everyone does. There are great things about it, there are lousy things about it. The wonderful thing is that you are able to learn from those experiences and guide your kids, grandkids, students, and friends toward a BETTER outcome. Just because you suffered consequences of bad choices, doesn't mean you have to allow them to do the same. That's the beauty of learning! Take all those experiences and turn them into something beautiful for those you care about.
According to the CDC, there are 19 million NEW STD infections EVERY YEAR, making
STDs the most commonly reported infections diseases in the U.S. STDs are estimated to cost the U.S. health care system about $16 BILLION ANNUALLY, and can cause serious long-term health consequences. Left untreated, some STDs (such as chlamydia & gonorrhea) can lead to infertility, and many STDs increase the risk of HIV infection.

Wow, we aren't talking about a scar on their lip or a emergency room hospital bill. These consequences are life-long! Their consequences could be emotional damage and/or physical damage (infertility).

Let's STAND UP!!! Take courage and know that you have the RIGHT to tell your kids, students, friends, and loved ones to WAIT.

The Girl in the Silver Shoe

My daughter is 15 months. She has a style of her own. She loves sparkles, shoes and jewelry. Rather than stacking the rings on the play cone, she wears the rings as bracelets for her wrist and ankles. She looks fabulous!


Her favorite thing though is a pair of silver dress shoes that are two sizes too big. The only catch is that she prefers to wear only one of them at a time. She looks so stylish with bed-head, a diaper, and one silver dress shoe popping on and off her foot as she walks.

You may be thinking "Cute, but what does that have to do with me?"

Here's the deal. Just like her, we all have the opportunity to "live outside the box", to live differently than the "norm" that society pushes onto us. Kids are great at this. Spend time with a little one and they'll show you how unique and creative that they are. I encourage each one of you to spend time thinking about how YOU can think differently about your relationships. Don't get me wrong, some people may look at you like you're wearing one dress shoe in Very casual attire, but it's worth it! We need to set ourselves apart from negative behaviors so that we can focus on the positive ones. Be who YOU know YOU need to be, to get to the FUTURE YOU want for YOURSELF!!

Parents, encourage your students to THINK outside the box, to not conform but be uniquely different.

We ALL started out as little creative kids with BIG dreams, UNIQUE vision, and CRAZY ideas of clothes!!

Pickled Eggs With a Side of Boundaries




I don't know about you, but I am the worst at maintaining a clean fridge. I would love to have one that gleams when you open the door, while fresh smells roll out to meet your awaiting nostrils. Hmmm...that would be nice. However, that is not the situation at my house.

Upon opening the fridge at my house (skip paragraph if you are in your first trimester), you will see numerous colors, smells, and species. It's looks like an experiment that somehow has been forgotten. When you open the crisper, your veggies should be crisp right?! Anyway, try as I may to stop, I seem to keep pushing the leftovers further and further to the back of the fridge until....they become the smell that haunts.

So, I am finally out of my first trimester and ready to attack the beast that is my fridge. I prepare the garbage disposal and park the trash can between the fridge and sink. This is in case the item looks too questionable to even open up and then I must surrender the entire container to the trash can. Of course, my sweet one-year old needs to help Mommy, so I hold her on one hip as I begin the process.



Soon, I have a system working perfectly. I'm talking to my daughter about each container, trying to explain what it originally was (if it's possible). As I was opening an especially potent item, I expressed how disgusted I was with the smell. Then, I glanced at her, still on my hip, but now plugging her nose, saying "Shewwy"!! Hahaha!

You may be thinking, "Gross story. How does this tie into Reality Check?". Bare with me for a moment, and I will walk you through my thought process.

Setting boundaries can be like my unkept fridge. If you have been through Reality Check Inc. programs, you know we talk about the importance of setting healthy relationship boundaries. We talk about location boundaries. Where are places that you will not go (i.e. opposite gender's bedroom, "parking", compromising places, etc.). Where do you draw the line for your physical boundaries? These boundaries are VITAL to your relationship success!

Back to the fridge. Today I cleaned it, went grocery shopping, and filled it with fresh items. Just like the day that YOU decided to set your boundaries. They were fresh, ready to be shared. You were excited about what your future was going to look like because of them. What happens when, like my fridge, we just keep pushing them to the back of our minds or lives? We start to use them less and less, then suddenly the are forgotten and pushed to the back. They are of no use when they aren't being used! What good are pickled eggs (again, I'm pregnant) in my fridge if I don't use them? I got to take it out and use it or my fridge is going to get rare smelling. Right?!

Take time to refresh yourself on your personal relationship boundaries. Perhaps write them down and put them where you can see them daily, as a fresh reminder of the path you've chosen. Don't forget about the boundaries that are going to help change your life, if you only use them.

Gear Shifters and Change....What A Combo!

I was a tad late to church anyway this particular Sunday. My husband had gone ahead to practice with the band and I was running 10 minutes behind schedule as it was. I slipped the baby into the carseat and prepared to peel....I mean "ease" out of the driveway. After I adjusted the seat to fit my 5' 4" frame as opposed to my husbands 6' 1" frame, I buckled my seatbelt and adjusted my mirrors. Safety first you know. I started the car, looked behind me and prepared to put the newly paid-off automatic car into Reverse. Hmmm....

The gear shift wouldn't budge! No, no, no! So I pulled again. The gear shift was obviously jammed. Now, our car has a nice little button on the side of the shifter (as you can see I know nothing of proper automotive lingo). You must press this button WHILE you shift it. As hard as I pushed that button and pulled that shifter, it wouldn't budge.

Of course, the only natural solution would be to call my husband. So I called....and I called...and I called....then I texted...twice. He told me later that he had put his cell on silent and had 16 missed calls, 2 voicemails, and 2 texts. Anyway, I was desperate.

Clearly, I couldn't beat this gear into Reverse. I couldn't make my husband receive his calls. There was the option to cry...so I did. Then I prayed...hard. I wanted that shifter to work right!! Sad to say I sat there for over 20 minutes, baby still in the backseat, struggling to get it to change to the big orange "R" on the dial.

Finally, a great idea. I decided to pull out the manual in the glove compartment. Genius! Maybe there was a troubleshooting section on stubborn gear shifters, or even a phone number to our dealer so that I could ask them. As I began to peruse the section on the gear shift, my eyes settled on a revolutionary rule today (common for every other), "Make sure the brake is on when shifting from Park."

Ouch....

Ever been humiliated because of stupidity? It's harsh.

As I drove to church that morning, schedule thrown out the window, a thought was revealed to me. I stayed there for 20 minutes trying to make something change. I could have pulled it harder, hit it harder, or even kicked it. It was not going to deliver the right result. FIRST, I had to change what I was doing.

This is a core lesson that we teach our students at Reality Check, Inc. "If they don't like the picture, start over." They need to see that if the road they are taking leads to an end that is undesirable, stop, evaluate where you are. Once they stop and evaluate, they can see what THEY need to do to change the course they are on.

I kept pointing to the gear shifter and saying it was the reason I was stuck there. My situation didn't change because I wasn't looking to myself. I wasn't asking if I could do something different. If you continue to do the same thing, you are going to get the same result.

It's time to reevaluate. Where are you headed? Is the end result where you really want to be? If not, then STOP, and start over with a fresh perspective. When you do, you won't regret it.